Alma misionera (missionary soul)

Thank you for all of the prayers for the Caminata—God must have been listening because the walk for St. Andres Bessette on Saturday was a great success!  We could not have asked for a more beautiful day.  The sun was shining, and people from all over the Holy Cross communities in Santiago showed up to walk.—children, teenagers, adults, students, teachers, and religious. I, unfortunately, didn’t get to participate in the actual walk because I had to be up at the top of the hill the whole morning rehearsing with the choir.  Although I would have liked to accompany everyone to the top of the hill, it was also a great blessing to be able to welcome the pilgrims with song and to help lead everyone in song throughout the Mass.  During the pre-Mass praise and worship songs, I literally felt like I was in the movie Sister Act because myself and the 5 other girls who sang from Andacollo had to learn motions to each song to get the crowd moving and involved.   So, if you can picture it, the 6 of us were lined up behind microphones onstage dressed in yellow smocks and singing and dancing in unison!

The best part of the day for me was Mass.  Because I was facing the opposite direction on the altar, I could look up at the giant statue of the Virgin Mary with her hands outstretched to the crowd sitting underneath.  I know that she was with us in a special way that day, singing and dancing with us through the Mass.  It was a good visual reminder for me that she always invites us to place all of our prayers, anxieties, hopes and fears into her hands and heart to give to her Son.  Going through the experience of being a missioner here in Santiago has definitely given me lots of things to talk about with Mary.  When preparing for mission, I tried hard to not create expectations, imagine my situation or any responsibilities.  I knew from previous experience that many things could fall short and many expectations could go unfulfilled.   However, despite how hard I tried, there was one expectation that I couldn't help but form--I hoped to be in a community that would be spiritually rich and supportive.  The community that I found was one that hardly prayed together apart from grace at meals.  Yes, there would often be random discussion about matters of faith, but there was none of the deep group reflection and prayer that I had been anticipating.  I tried to fight against the disappointment of this realization by viewing it as a call to be the one to encourage and start the practice of community prayer, but began to become more frustrated after several weeks of failed attempts. Last year while studying abroad, I read the book "Gracias!" by Henri Nouwen, one of my favorite theologians and writers.  These first few months in Chile, I have been reminded of a particular passage that I copied in my journal last year in which Nouwen reflects on his experience of community and mission in Latin America.  He says:
"As the days and weeks pass by and I come to know the students of the language school better, I realize more and more how insecure, fearful, and often lonely many of us are.  Not only do we continue to hope for mail from 'home,' but we also continue to be submerged by the powers around us.  At home we at least had our own niche in life, our little place where we could feel useful and admired.  Here none of that is present.  Here we are in a world that did not invite us, in which we can hardly express ourselves and which constantly reminds us of our powerlessness.  And still, we know that we are sent here, that God wants us here, and that it is here that we have to work out our salvation.  The more these strong and often conflicting feelings come to the surface, the more I realize how much we need each other.  Mission work is not a task for individuals.  The Lord sent his disciples into the world in small groups, not as individual heroes or pioneers.  We are sent out together, so that together--gathered by one Lord--we can make him present in this world.  Many of us are eager to go out and to start working as soon as possible, with or without words!  It is certainly a sign of zeal, good will, great energy and generosity.  But maybe we should first of all look at eachother, recognize eachother's suffering, and come together as a living body to pray and share our joys and hopes, our fears and pains." 
SO GOOD.  I could not express the challenges of mission and of living in community (especially in another country) better even if I spent days and days reflecting on it.  I think that it is often a temptation of missioners and people involved in other service type of work to become so focused on the people that they are "serving" that they forget to minister to the hurt, needs, and loneliness in the own community in which they are living!   I have certainly fallen victim to the same temptation, which is probably why I have been so much more aware of the need of this community of OLMs in Santiago to grow deeper together spiritually --I'm just so convinced that we need it in order to know how to better support each other in the many challenges that confront us daily as missioners.  And so, going back to my original expectations, I find myself laughing again at the way in which God shakes up my plans and challenges me to grow in ways that I would have never expected and to deepen my faith and trust in Him that He will take me where He wants me to go.  
Sooo, I'm realizing that I got on that whole ramble because I was talking about offering up prayers to Mary during the Caminata!  It really was an uplifting experience, and after many weeks of pushing, we are actually going to have our first community prayer night tonight, so I think that Mary did hear my prayers (and the prayers of those praying for me) and take them to her Son.   I'm going to sign-off with translations of two of my favorite Mass songs (both which relate to this entry) and some pictures from the Caminata.  Thanks for getting through this long entry!  

 

Cancion del misionero:                                                               Missioner's Song

Señor, toma mi vida  nueva antes de que                                Lord, take my new life before
la espera desgaste años en mí.                                                   the waiting wears away the years in me.
Estoy dispuesta a lo que quieras                                               I am willing to do whatever You want,
No importa lo que sea,                                                                 It doesn't matter what it is,
Tú llámame a servir.                                                                     You call me to serve

Llévame donde los hombres                                                     Take me to where people
Necesiten tus palabras,                                                               Need Your words,
Necesiten mis ganas de vivir,                                                    Need my desire to live,
Donde falte la esperanza                                                            Where there is a lack of hope,
Donde falte la alegría                                                                   Where there is a lack of joy,
Simplemente por no saber de Ti.                                             Simply because they don't know You.

Te doy mi corazón sincero para gritar                                   I give you my sincere heart in order to

Sin miedo tu grandeza, Señor.                                                  proclaim Your greatness without fear.
Tendré mis manos sin cansancio                                             I will have my tireless hands,
Tú historia entre mis labios                                                      Your story on my lips,
Y fuerza en la oración.                                                                 And strength through prayer.

Y así, en marcha iré cantando                                                   And in this way, I will march on singing,

Por calles predicando                                                                  Preaching through the streets
Lo bello que es tu amor.                                                              The beauty that is Your love.
Señor, tengo mi alma misionera                                               Lord, I have my missionary soul
Condúceme a la tierra que tenga sed de Dios.                      Lead me to the land that thirsts for You.


María Mírame                                                                          Mary, Look at Me

María, mírame; María mírame,                                           Mary, look at me; Mary, look at me,
Si tú me miras, Él también me mirará.                             If you look at me, He will also look at me.
Madre mía, mírame, de la mano llévame                        My mother, look at me, take me by the hand
Muy cerca de Él, que ahí me quiero quedar          Close to Him, because that's where I want to stay

María, cúbreme con tu manto                                             Mary, cover me with your cloak

Que tengo miedo,                                                                    Because I'm scared,
No sé rezar;                                                                               I don't know how to pray
Que por tus ojos misericordiosos                                      But through your merciful eyes,
Tendré la fuerza,                                                                     I will have strength,
Tendré la paz.                                                                          I will have peace.

Madre, consuélame de mis penas,                                   Mary, console me in my suffering,

Es que no quiero ofenderte más;                               It's just that, I don't want to offend you anymore
Que por tus ojos misericordiosos                                Because of your merciful gaze
Quiero ir al cielo y verlos ya.                                        I already want to be with you in heaven.

 Mike, Blair and I getting ready to start the Caminata

"Together with Brother Andres, we will walk towards hope" 

Teens from Andacollo on the "Equipo de Servicio" (Service Team) pumping up the crowd!

The crowd starting the walk up the Cerro 

A banner with the Holy Cross emblem 

 Me and the other choir girls after Mass!

Choir!!

Just had to share my excitement---forty 5th-8th graders signed-up for the singing/choir class yesterday!!  I never expected so many students to sign-up, so I will definitely have my work cut out for me, but it is exciting to know that there is so much interest in the project.  Hopefully sign-ups for the High School choir go as well today :)

In other news, I have been extra busy this week getting ready for the "Caminata San Andres Bessette."  Caminatas are basically mini pilgrimage walks, and they actually occur pretty frequently throughout the city.  In this caminata, the Congregation of Holy Cross will be celebrating the one-year anniversary of the canonization of Saint Andres Bessette, a Holy Cross Brother whose formal canonization took place on October 17, 2010.  We will be walking up to the top of Cerro San Cristobal, a hill in the middle of Santiago with a giant statue of the Virgin Mary on top.  I am really excited that my first caminata in Chile is going to be to Cerro San Cristobal because it has played a meaningful role in my experience in Santiago.  When I studied abroad, I used to pray the rosary during the long walk up to the Virgin Mary and then spend several hours up in the sanctuary to reflect on my study abroad experience, pray and enjoy a little break from the craziness of city life.  Cerro San Cristobal has continued to be a place of retreat for me throughout these first few months as a Holy Cross OLM, so I am looking forward to walking up the hill with the Holy Cross family in Chile and celebrating Mass on top.  I have been working with one of the youth ministers to organize and rehearse with the choir that will be both animating the crowd as they arrive at the top of the Cerro and singing during the Mass.  I feel like my brain the past few days has just been running through song after song after song--it was A LOT to learn in a short time!!  Pretty soon I will have to do an entry about some of my favorite Mass songs here because singing with the church choir at my local parish and helping with the choirs for different special events has been one of the most beautiful and uplifting parts of my experience here thus far.  I love how the majority of Chileans sing with their whole heart throughout the Mass even if they might not have the best voice :)

Anyways, more to come later!  Here's a picture of the top of Cerro San Cristobal so that you have an idea of where the pilgrimage will be this weekend.

Two pictures from a striking sunset over the city. Unfortunately, Santiago's air contamination is terrible--most days, the smog is so thick that you can literally see the pollution in the air.  However, on this particular day, I couldn't help but stand in awe of the colors in the sky...even if their vibrancy was, to some extent, the result of air pollution! Here's a short article on smog in Santiago and other Chilean cities for anyone interested: http://www.santiagotimes.cl/chile/environment/22546-thirteen-chilean-cities-exceed-who-air-quality-standards.  Sometimes I find myself complaining and lamenting about how I have to breath this gross air every day.  Then I think about the people who have lived in Santiago for their entire life and people all over the world living in exceptionally contaminated cities who don't have the money to travel somewhere else to experience the richness of fresh air.  Myself and the other missioners went to a Holy Cross retreat house an hour and a half outside of Santiago awhile ago, and I was shocked by how I was instantly aware of the difference in the quality of the air.  I must have looked ridiculous taking huge consecutive breaths of air the whole weekend, but it was so wonderful and refreshing that I couldn't resist!  It was another powerful reminder of the many things that I take for granted and also a reminder of another man-created and sustained injustice that is crying out for transformation.

Tía Teresa: What’s in a name?

Bridget is a very difficult name for Spanish speakers to pronounce.  I learned this the first summer I spent living and teaching in COAR Children’s Village in El Salvador.  Some at the orphanage attempted to say my name but ended up sounding like they were almost gagging trying to get all of the sounds out right.  Others began to call me Brijida (a name that absolutely wouldn’t work in Chile because it’s a Chilean ghetto slang word for something really dangerous…that’s me! Haha)  and others Beatriz in an effort to find something similar to Bridget in Spanish.  About half way through my time at COAR, I decided that it would just be easier to go by my middle name, Theresa, which is easily translated into Spanish (sounds like Tay-ray-sa).  However, by that time, I had so many names around COAR that it was a lost cause to get any one of them to stick!  Needless to say, I learned my lesson, and every time I have gone back to Central or South America—whether to El Salvador, the summer I spent in Peru, or study abroad in Chile—I have gone by Teresa.    

It’s always weird for friends in the States to imagine everyone knowing me as Teresa, but for me it has become second nature—I respond to both names just the same.  Maybe, in a way, I’ve kind of adopted it as my Latin American “identity” J  It’s definitely not a bad name to use—it reminds me of two of my awesome Aunts, Mother Teresa, St. Therese and many other wonderful saints and people!  Not to mention one of Chile’s two saints, St. Teresa de los Andes (the other is St. Alberto Hurtado).

Most of the adults that I work with know that my first name is Bridget, but to all of my students, I am just Teresa . . . Tía Teresa, to be specific.  In Spanish, “tía” literally means “aunt,” but it is used by Chilean students to refer to teachers.  Instead of using señor/señora or profesor/profesora, they use tía.  In many ways, this word captures the differences between teacher/student relationships in Chile vs. those in the U.S.  Relationships are definitely more familiar, more relaxed, and more personal.  For one, Chileans use the kiss on the cheek to say hello and goodbye.  With so many students and colleagues at school, I feel like I am giving kisses all day!  This is something that I can’t picture happening in the U.S. where teachers are basically not allowed to touch their students, much less give them a kiss on the cheek.  The other lay missioners and I sometimes laugh about the number of lawsuits that would occur if Chilean customs were brought to the U.S.  Granted, sometimes the more affectionate nature of relationships here makes it more difficult for teachers to manage the classroom because they have to work extra hard to establish some sort of authority/respect relationship with the students, but, in general, I think that it creates a greater feeling of community in the school.  Personally, I love the fact that my students have no hesitation in running up to me and giving me a hug!

Speaking of school, I thought it would be good to talk a little more about my English classes!  I am now teaching 3^rd-6^th grade English, and I absolutely love it, even though it requires so much energy!!  As those of you who know me can imagine, class-time is full of lots of songs, games, and creative projects.   Many of my students probably think that I am somewhat crazy because I have absolutely no shame in doing silly dance moves with them in the songs or using different funky theater games to get them speaking more.  That said, teaching has also been a big challenge, and I feel like I am learning so much about patience, sacrifice, and recognizing the unique gifts of each individual student as a result of this experience.  One of the frustrations is that the books that the students have are definitely not the best, but the school, families, and the students themselves really value doing the activities in the book because, to them, they have paid for the books and want them to be used! This makes sense, but it can also be frustrating for me since it limits the material that I can cover during lessons, especially because I am working within the plan of the elementary level English teacher at Andacollo, Claudia.  I am happy to be a relief for Claudia (even if just in a small way) because she is in charge of teaching kindergarten through 8^th grade English—two classes per grade, 40-45 students per class!  It’s no wonder that the level of English at the school is so poor…only a superhuman could do lesson plans for 9 different grade levels and keep their head straight about what they were doing in each class!

In other news, I am very excited because I have been working the past few weeks with two University students from the choir I sing in at church to start two choirs in Colegio Andacollo.  Although there is a basic music class for the students where they learn to play the recorder and learn a little about traditional Chilean music, there is absolutely no singing at school!  This was obviously a problem for me when I found out, so I have been talking with one of the school directors to see if I can start a choir “taller” (elective).  He was really receptive of the idea and is excited to see what the reception among the students is.  So, myself and my two choir friends are going to do a test run of a 5-8^th grade choir and a high school choir for about the last 10 weeks of the school year, and if it goes well, the director said that we can talk about putting it on the regular school schedule for the coming year, which will start in March!  It’s obviously going to be a difficult task since we are starting from scratch, but I know that many of the students at school love to sing, and I wanted to create a space for some more formal instruction and growth.  Say some prayers that we are successful in getting this project started!